A couple of years back my best mate and myself managed to land ourselves a nice little number workin on security at a hippy festival in tunbridge wells,england. So of we go, four days of madness and getting £250 a piece for our troubles,lovely!.

we spent the first three days eating baked beans,drinking,tooting and farting. Collecting abandoned kids,grass stains, skid stains and green people. All was running nicely into the final evening as we were preparing ourselves for the steak we'd promised ourselves at a local pub, So bearing this in mind we starved ourselves all day as not to spoil our meal, All of a sudden I hear my mate say " try one of these " to which I turn to see my mate holding a plestic tub full of chocolate flapjacks,

" where did you get them from" I said,

" lost property" his reply

putting one of the tastey cakes down the hatch i said " is there weed in this?"

" don't know i'm to smashed and to hungry to tell " he replied, " have another ",

By this time we had drawn the attention of the other two security blokes who came on over, " who's are those cakes boys" said the welshman,

" lost property, taste one, do tou reckon there's ween in them? "

with that last statement a complete free for all erupted to cram as much cake as possible into our mouths before amyone else just in case there was weed in them. When we calmed down we took a seat at the fire to chillout, After about fifteen minutes the reallity has sunk in that yes,there was weed in the cakes to which we all gave each other a knowing nod of accomplishment that we've just polished off thirty cigarette packet sized space cakes between us. Unfortunately the severity of the situation had not, it was about to!.

As the world around us started to go insane the realisation that we'd well and truly gone to far this time and that our grandchildren would one day be born cross eyed, We graciously gave in to the hysterical eruption that was building up in our laughter bags and spent the next forty five minutes fighting for breath as hundreds of hippys made an unschedualed stop on there way home to see the amazing fucked up security crawling round like baby's round the entrance.

I managed to regain slight composure, enough to make it to my bed in the security hut, Stripped naked and chucking my ring into a carrier bag the last thing i remember seeing is the boss and his wife poining and laughing as my eyeballs flew to the back of my head like a slot machine jackpot win and my buddy barfing into a box.

Ten hours later im woken by a combination of the daohria sensation i can feel inside me and the noise of a strange cannadian chick giving my comatosed buddy a "wake up call". So i stagger outside to find to naked security guards covered in sick and an irate hippy demanding £150 for the two ounces of hash we'd eaten between the four of us in a matter of seconds.

Needless to say we did'nt get our steak, the hippy did,nt get her £150 and the journey home was a very delicate one. Remember when your mum used to tell you not to take sweets of strangers!... you get the picture...

Best £250 i ever earned. BACK TO LEGENDS OF THE HERB